Take Me To Your Leader

via gardeningB
Author: Beatriz Portela

Can we talk? I want to negotiate. Are you the head squirrel I can bargain with? I am okay with sharing mangos with you guys but the tree is bearing its last 20 or so fruit and you’ve been eating them faster than I can get to them. And it really bothers me that you take a few bites out of one, then move to another, and another. Can’t you all agree on one piece of fruit and eat that one completely before moving to the next? While we’re having a discussion, why is it that you’re favoring the fruit that are hanging on tree limbs over the pool? Is it because you want a water view while munching out? The problem, my furry friends, is that as you discard peel it is falling into the pool and making a mess. My automatic pool sweep is full of your mango scraps and the half eaten fruits that it can’t suck-up up are littering the bottom of the pool. How is it that you manage to partially eat fruit, which end up falling into the pool, but you never fall in with it? It would be pretty funny to see you taking a nose dive into the water. I know that’s an evil thought. I guess it’s good that you don’t because the pool sweep would not be able to suck you up; you wouldn’t fit through the hose. Would it be too much to ask if you could choose fruit that is over the ground instead of over water? And how about it if you go for the fruit that is high on the tree that I would risk my life on a high ladder to reach or need an airplane to get to? It’s easy for you. Why do you insist on taking the stuff that is lower on the tree that I can more easily pick? It seems you have a strategy: eat the low stuff first and save the high ones for later since you know I can’t get to them. Cruel.

At first I thought you liked ripe mango so I would try to pick the fruit before it was fully mature but I soon learned that you are not particular; you eat it green too. I’m willing to split those last 20 mangos with you. Please send over your leader for a truce… or have him text me.