The 4 Faces of Memee: Bipolar Me

4-faces-of-memee | Memee's Musings
A snapshot of one person trying to survive in 4 different chemical bodies.

Hi all,

It’s been a long, long while. I have been suffering with bipolar depression in a very extended way lately. Some people who don’t understand bipolar have the misperception that we suffer both the depressive side and the manic side equally. We don’t. Also, we’re all different in our levels of functionality at the various phases of the disorder. So I’ve been down and out of the game. I am on a new medication, Latuda, and I think it may finally be kicking in. I certainly hope so! It is supposed to relieve the symptoms of Bipolar Depression which is a very big deal for me as I have never had relief from this phase and it is the phase I suffer from the most frequently as well as it being the most catastrophically impactful for me.

Anyway, the picture above was put together back in December at the beginning of a manic phase which I will be sharing with you very soon. During mania I have many brilliant ideas and am extremely active. Unfortunately the mania does not last long and when it burns off suddenly my activities cease and my plots, plans, schemes come to an abrupt halt. For instance, this article had the headline written and the picture uploaded, and even a link to some statistical data but no body. Fortunately, I know my main intent was to go over my 4 “personalities” (for lack of a better description) that I am constantly trying to adjust to and live with.

Left to Right:

  1.  Deep Depression.  This is where I have been for the last several months.  My days in this state consist of sleeping (escaping my problems, but also I am exhausted physically and mentally), crying uncontrollably for no specific reason, staring at the ceiling or blank wall sometimes with no thoughts registering in my head and other times inundated with only negative recriminations for  being this person (something I cannot control) that suffers this chemical imbalance of the brain.  I’ll get up to pee and return immediately to bed.  I mostly drink my calories during this time as I have no energy or desire to even pour cereal into a bowl to eat.  I will bathe once a week but don’t remember to brush my teeth and do not bother brushing my hair or changing my clothes.  I am completely shut down.  Inhuman. Some days I am afraid to be alone because I fantasize about killing myself.  I know that is not the answer and it is really not an option.  Besides, in this state I am frozen in grief and depression so I do not act upon thoughts.  I “just” terrorize myself with them over and over again.  Visualizing myself killing myself.  It’s not fun, believe me.  It scares me and heightens my depressive state.

2.  “The Blahs”  This is where I live the majority of my life.  I still have difficulty with hygiene most days.  I am messy and tired.  I have zero focus, zero attention span, zero interests, zero motivation , and zero drive.  I do nothing but zone out on the computer or Netflix day after day.  My mind is chaotic and so is the environment around me.  It’s better than the deep depression but it is no life.  A waste.

3. Happy/Balanced.  This is my goal persona.  It is who I long to be.  I enjoy friendships and can hold onto a job.  I feel like I am pursuing goals and making real change in my life toward becoming this person authentically.  I bathe bi-daily, I pick up after myself, I eat and sleep in a normal pattern.  I have a life and recognized the blessing it is.  I may even be able to have a romantic relationship again!

4. Mania!   I am awesome!  You are awesome! Life is awesome!  I have big plans and they are, no matter how far-fetched, attainable!  I just got to follow my plans step by step and I’ll do it!  I will succeed at anything I try and I will try anything that interests me!  The world is my oyster, my cake, my playground!

The 4 Faces of Memee: Bipolar Me stats1 | Memee's Musings

So who is susceptible to  Bipolar Disorder?  Statistics sourced through Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance says that:

Bipolar Disorder Statistics from BDSA

©2017-2020 All rights reserved.

In Turbulent Times Turn To Peace

In Turbulent Times Turn To Peace | Memee's Musings

I don’t really have any more to say than what is conveyed by my title and chosen quote. Between the two, everything that needs to be said, is being said.

Peace out!

☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀

If you’d like to play Words Crush Wednesday along with me here are the details:

Cut/paste and follow these 3 simple rules:

(1) Always pingback to the site you discovered #wcw on with every Words Crush Wednesday post. In this case, that’s me: memeesmusings.com!

(2) In your post, use the badge they’ve created just for you – In this case, you’d use the Panda badge (size doesn’t matter), just grab it below.

(3) Tag your post #wcw so the Words Crush Wednesday community players can find you.

(4) Optional: When you are ready, create your own badge for those you inspire to play Words Crush Wednesday. If you do not create your own badge then your inspirees MUST use the badge from the blogger who inspired you — it’s on your post — so be sure to make it easy for them to find. (P.S. I create all of my graphics on Canva.)

If you wanna play #wcw with me, here's your badge!
If you wanna play #wcw with me, grab that panda badge!

* To see the badge I earned, visit my very first #WCW post.
And, here’s my pingback: Rebirth of Lisa

Hear Ye, Hear Ye… Your Last Chance!

stamp-330341_640

IMPORTANT DATES:

Submission deadline is TODAY, January 24th, 2017, at 23:55 PST. Submit now!

Voting opens at 00:05 PST tomorrow  and ends on Tuesday, Jan 31st at 23:55 PST.  To read all the poems and vote, click any of the links previously given for this #NewEra poetry contest-challenge linky party!

Participants should remind their followers, beginning tomorrow, to go read and vote on their #1 Favorite poem for this challenge theme.  Submit, Vote, Win… that’s how this linky party works!

5-rules-of-mmpp

 

Author Unknown…

Author Unknown | Memee's Musings

Dear little trump and follower. I listened as they called my President a Muslim.
I listened as they called him and his family a pack of monkeys.
I listened as they said he wasn’t born here.
I watched as they blocked every single path to progress that they could.
I saw the pictures of him as Hitler.
I watched them shut down the government and hurt the entire nation twice.
I watched them turn their backs on every opportunity to open worthwhile dialog.
I watched them say that they would not even listen to any choice for Supreme Court no matter who the nominee was.
I listened as they openly said that they will oppose him at every turn.
I watched as they did just that.
I listened.
I watched.
I paid attention.
Now, I’m being called on to be tolerant.
To move forward.
To denounce protesters.
To “Get over it.”
To accept this…
I will not.
I will do my part to make sure this great American mistake becomes the embarrassing footnote of our history that it deserves to be.
I will do this as quickly as possible every chance I get.
I will do my part to limit the damage that this man can do to my country.
I will watch his every move and point out every single mistake and misdeed in a loud and proud voice.
I will let you know in a loud voice every time this man backs away from a promise he made to them.
Them. The people who voted for him.
The ones who sold their souls and prayed for him to win.
I will do this so that they never forget.
And they will hear me.
They will see it in my eyes when I look at them.
They will hear it in my voice when I talk to them.
They will know that I know who they are.
They will know that I know what they are.
Do not call for my tolerance. I’ve tolerated all I can.
Now it’s their turn to tolerate ridicule.
Be aware, make no mistake about it, every single thing that goes wrong in our country from this day
forward is now Trump’s fault just as much as they thought it was Obama’s.
I find it unreasonable for them to expect from me what they were entirely unwilling to give.

— Author Unknown

The wonderful photograph was taken by Noah Grezlak and acquired through Unsplash. It’s a great source for free photos under the Creative Commons Zero license, so check it out!

Split Personalities

Split Personalities | Memee's Musings

Caring and Compassionate
Lady of Liberties
Indiscriminate and Independant
Nowledgeable* Negotiator
Tenacious yet Tactful
Open-minded Overachiever
Nasty Woman

Rude Racist
Uncouth, Unapologetic, Un-American
Misogynistic Millionaire Megalomaniac
Phony President

*K=Know-how

This month’s Poetry Party theme is Politics!  Whether you agree or disagree with my perspective I encourage you to participate!  The more we share with one another, the better we know and understand one another.  And although I do not vote and cannot win I never put forward a poetry challenge without requiring myself to participate.  So please accept my poem for what it is… my feelings based on my life experiences, biases and perspectives just as your life experiences, biases, and perspectives aid you in determining your viewpoint on any given topic.  Below you will find the important dates and the submission link for #NewEra Poetry or, to learn more, click the previously given link.

IMPORTANT DATES:

Submission deadline is Tuesday, January 24th, 2017, at 23:55 PST. Submit now!

Voting opens at 00:05 PST on Wednesday, January 25th and ends on Tuesday, January 31sh at 23:55 PST.*

New Era Poetry

New Era Poetry | Memee's Musings

So, how about that election?  It’s a new year and a renewed commitment to my blog which was lagging there at the end of last year.  Being that we have a new exciting/controversial President-elect, a new congressional balance, and many changes in the wake I thought it appropriate that our first poetry party of this new era be about and around politics.

Yep, you heard me right.  This will either be amazing or sink into the deepest waters of blogpost detritus.  No matter what country you live in, what language you speak, your age, or political alignments please put your thoughts about anything politics into poetic form and join us for #NewEra poetry.  The best thing about poetry is that it can be freeform, #norules!

There are however rules for Memee’s Poetry Parties:

5-rules-of-mmpp

The hashtag for this month’s party is #NewEra.  I will post a reminder for final submissions and a call for you to let your followers understand that voting occurs offsite and you’d like them to go to the punchbowl, read all the submitted poetry, and vote for their very favorite.

IMPORTANT DATES:

Submission deadline is Tuesday, January 24th, 2017, at 23:55 PST. Submit now!

Voting opens at 00:05 PST on Wednesday, January 25th and ends on Tuesday, January 31sh at 23:55 PST.*

All participants get a badge, and the favorite poem will be featured, reblogged, archived for posterity and that poet will receive a one-of-a-kind badge representative of their achievement.  Winner announced Feb 1st, 2017.

 

Questions?  Comment below or follow the link at the top of every page entitled “Memee’s Poetry Parties.”

Get Your Badge!
Thank you for partying with Memee! Invite your followers to enjoy the fun by displaying this participation badge on your site. Place it anywhere; a sidebar; your About page; with the poems you bring to Memee’s Poetry Party.  Challenge your friends to join!  It’s up to you!

O! God Now Come on the Earth

lightening, mankind, turmoil, strife, hatred, blog, poetry, emotionsvia Mere Jazbaat
Author: Syed Sabah ur Rehman

 

Understanding Today’s world is Arduous Task,

Like Filling water in the Broken Flask.

What were we and what we are,

All emotional Relations are Shifting Far.

 

Sentiments & sacrifices are mere words

They seem to be as we have Never heard

God has created us to survive,

but we are vandalising each other’s lives

 

who shed Tears is indeed the faulter,

as,it is nothing but just salted water.

Ecstasy is Altering in to Embarrassment,

No flower can Bloom in venomous Environment.

 

O! God now please stop taking our test,

come on the earth and abolish the tempest.

Original Poem entitled: O! GOD NOW COME ON THE EARTH © MereJazbaat.com, and Syed Sabah ur Rehman aka AATIF, 2016-2018 All rights reserved.
Republished with permission.
O! God Now Come on the Earth post © Memee’s Musings, and B.L. Memee 2017-2019. All rights reserved.
The wonderful photograph was taken by Emil Jarfelt and acquired through Unsplash. It’s a great source for free photos under the Creative Commons Zero license, so check it out!