The 4 Faces of Memee: Bipolar Me

4-faces-of-memee | Memee's Musings
A snapshot of one person trying to survive in 4 different chemical bodies.

Hi all,

It’s been a long, long while. I have been suffering with bipolar depression in a very extended way lately. Some people who don’t understand bipolar have the misperception that we suffer both the depressive side and the manic side equally. We don’t. Also, we’re all different in our levels of functionality at the various phases of the disorder. So I’ve been down and out of the game. I am on a new medication, Latuda, and I think it may finally be kicking in. I certainly hope so! It is supposed to relieve the symptoms of Bipolar Depression which is a very big deal for me as I have never had relief from this phase and it is the phase I suffer from the most frequently as well as it being the most catastrophically impactful for me.

Anyway, the picture above was put together back in December at the beginning of a manic phase which I will be sharing with you very soon. During mania I have many brilliant ideas and am extremely active. Unfortunately the mania does not last long and when it burns off suddenly my activities cease and my plots, plans, schemes come to an abrupt halt. For instance, this article had the headline written and the picture uploaded, and even a link to some statistical data but no body. Fortunately, I know my main intent was to go over my 4 “personalities” (for lack of a better description) that I am constantly trying to adjust to and live with.

Left to Right:

  1.  Deep Depression.  This is where I have been for the last several months.  My days in this state consist of sleeping (escaping my problems, but also I am exhausted physically and mentally), crying uncontrollably for no specific reason, staring at the ceiling or blank wall sometimes with no thoughts registering in my head and other times inundated with only negative recriminations for  being this person (something I cannot control) that suffers this chemical imbalance of the brain.  I’ll get up to pee and return immediately to bed.  I mostly drink my calories during this time as I have no energy or desire to even pour cereal into a bowl to eat.  I will bathe once a week but don’t remember to brush my teeth and do not bother brushing my hair or changing my clothes.  I am completely shut down.  Inhuman. Some days I am afraid to be alone because I fantasize about killing myself.  I know that is not the answer and it is really not an option.  Besides, in this state I am frozen in grief and depression so I do not act upon thoughts.  I “just” terrorize myself with them over and over again.  Visualizing myself killing myself.  It’s not fun, believe me.  It scares me and heightens my depressive state.

2.  “The Blahs”  This is where I live the majority of my life.  I still have difficulty with hygiene most days.  I am messy and tired.  I have zero focus, zero attention span, zero interests, zero motivation , and zero drive.  I do nothing but zone out on the computer or Netflix day after day.  My mind is chaotic and so is the environment around me.  It’s better than the deep depression but it is no life.  A waste.

3. Happy/Balanced.  This is my goal persona.  It is who I long to be.  I enjoy friendships and can hold onto a job.  I feel like I am pursuing goals and making real change in my life toward becoming this person authentically.  I bathe bi-daily, I pick up after myself, I eat and sleep in a normal pattern.  I have a life and recognized the blessing it is.  I may even be able to have a romantic relationship again!

4. Mania!   I am awesome!  You are awesome! Life is awesome!  I have big plans and they are, no matter how far-fetched, attainable!  I just got to follow my plans step by step and I’ll do it!  I will succeed at anything I try and I will try anything that interests me!  The world is my oyster, my cake, my playground!

The 4 Faces of Memee: Bipolar Me stats1 | Memee's Musings

So who is susceptible to  Bipolar Disorder?  Statistics sourced through Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance says that:

Bipolar Disorder Statistics from BDSA

©2017-2020 All rights reserved.

The Peter Falk Bill… Let’s Make it Law!

Father and DaughterCongratulations to my incredible friend Catherine Falk on news that the State of New York recognizes all of her incredible efforts and work toward creating a nation that recognizes and supports the rights of adult children to visit their ailing parents… The Peter Falk Bill. Let’s let all the states know that every child deserves legal visitation rights regardless of age, divorce or blood status!

Tweet: Congratulations to the #CatherineFalkOrganization for the grounds they've made in #California and #New York with #PeterFalk #PeterFalkbill!

Please visit and like her advocacy page on Facebook and suggest it to your friends. And, as always, if you or someone you know has been blocked or is currently being blocked from seeing their ailing parents, please write your story down and send it to the Catherine Falk Organization so they can add your story to their national call of action because this is something that doesn’t just happen to families of celebrities or the wealthy… it is happening in all social classes so stand up and let your voice be heard!

In order to pass legislation, stories from people currently struggling with visitation of an ailing parent, become important to the assembly and viability of the issue. As well, we may be able to help with your issue

And just a reminder, it is now easier than ever to contact your assemblymen, congressmen, and senators to ask for change! So please, for our nation, do your part!

Tweet: Let your legislature know that adult children of ailing parents deserve legal visitation rights!#PeterFalkbill

*The two above tweet buttons are preformatted to make it quick, easy and painless for you to get the word out that you believe every child should fundamentally be allowed to visit their ailing parents. If you would like to create your own tweet about this post, click the blue circle with the twitter bird below (or share using any of those buttons). Please feel free also to reblog this on your own blogs. The more people who talk about it, the greater the chances that we end the cruelty that occurs when adult children are not allowed to see dying parents who cannot speak up for themselves. Thank you!