Dear Mr. Anxiety – by MPH

via Letters to the Mind blog project
Contributing Author: MPH

Dear Mr. Anxiety | Letters to the Mind

 

Dear Mr. Anxiety,

Do you know how it feels to sit in the middle of a classroom, worried that everyone behind you gapes at your back instead of the board? Look at how she bends over the desk, like a hunchback, her stomach scrunching over her thighs. Do you know what it’s like to scurry through the hallways, a place where you’re supposed to be just another face in the crowd, but it feels like everyone is looking right at yours? Why is she in such a hurry, why’s her head bowed so far forward? Nerd, why’s she so eager to get to class? When speaking in front of a group, do you feel like a sculpture on display, like your audience studies your clothes, your movements, your expressions, more than what you have to share? What is she wearing, why are her knees shaking? Is she still droning on about this? Ha, her shirt’s so tight on her you can see her bra. Is your world a battlefield, strangers the soldiers and scrutiny their swords, slashing through you with their cold stares (or the sheer possibility of them)?

They’re going to look up, they’re going to see, ouch I just tripped, I can feel my heart in my stomach, pounding, pounding, they can hear it, they know they know that I’m afraid to say more than two words, they know how pathetic I am.

This string of thoughts, this parade of pain, doesn’t march through your mind. No, you live up in your skyscraper, high and mighty and unharmed. The world is more like a playground for you, swings sets and monkey bars constructed of innocent people’s insecurities and worries. You’re the unjustified bully in the sweatshirt, and I’m the girl with the pigtails, cowering under the slide, hoping and praying that you won’t attack her today.

You’re the puppet master of all of your victims. We live at your mercy, and bend to your will. You tug and pull at our strings, kick our hearts into unhealthy rhythms, cackle at us from behind the scenes.

But we aren’t your victims, are we? We shouldn’t be, at least. We shouldn’t feel abused by our own minds. We shouldn’t have to cower in the corner of the playground, too frightened to join the fun. You’re not half as brave as we are, you only pick and prod at the things we most fear. But it’s about time that we are able to come out into the open, and if not rid ourselves of our fears, then at least keep you from using them against our will. You may live in your skyscraper, but you are not untouchable, and when we make our way through the battlefield, we will make our way to you, too. Don’t think you’ve got us, me, under your thumb so easily. You are not unbeatable; it only takes the time and patience of a true warrior, like all of us.

© MPH 2015


About the author:

Since middle school, I have struggled with feelings of anxiety, especially social anxiety. For years, and on a daily basis, I blindly battled my anxiety, unaware that there were others experiencing the same thing. Though I now understand why I panic in social situations, it is still a challenge every day not to worry about the slightest glance or word thrown my way in public. Through writing and talking about it, I hold out hope that it will improve. I am an avid writer. I live at the mercy of my many dreams, including moving to a big city to be a publisher, moving to the Appalachian Mountains to become a hiker, and making a difference any way I can.

Blog: The Tarnished Mirror

“The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell.” It’s Time, Imagine Dragons

☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀

Please, if your life is impacted by mental illness help spread awareness and understanding by writing to that illness and sharing it at Letters of the Mind blog project.

Click here to Contribute.

☀ Memee

The Most Amazing Day of My Life

The Most Amazing Day of my life happened 21 years ago today. It sure is amazing how fast time flies. There is nothing in the universe like the feelings you experience that first time you hold your baby in your arms. I will never, ever forget that moment.

I send my thanks up to God for giving me a healthy, loving, intelligent, kind, generous, compassionate, funny, talented, health-conscious, beautiful son.  I prayed that he would be born under the sign of Libra because he would need a calmness to remain sane among the chaos I was living in.  I named him Dane because I wanted him to be strong and I wanted him to be his own person.  And he is all of those things.

Dane was born 3 days early, on the Libra-Scorpio cusp. God had answered my prayer.  But more importantly, I am grateful that God made a way for us to extricate ourselves from the dangerous environment he was born into.  I am grateful that Dane and I have a strong, loving bond.  We are, after God, each other’s rock.  I am grateful for his calm nature and awed by his ability to let negativity roll off his back.  He is everything I had hoped he would become and so much more.  I am blessed.

The Most Amazing Day of My Life | Memee's Musings

You Just Had a Baby

via Where My Heart Resides
Author:  Ashlee Gadd

To: myself, and anyone else who needs to read this.

Ashlee & Her Inspiration

You just had a baby.

I know your jeans don’t fit. It sucks. I know you tried on seventeen pairs at Nordstrom Rack last week and almost cried in the dressing room. I know you went to Gap after that and tried on fourteen other pairs and almost cried in that dressing room. I know the only thing you bought that day was a pair of sweatpants and a loose white t-shirt. It’s okay.

You just had a baby.

I know your to-do list is never finished. I know you’re worried about things like savings accounts and college funds and life insurance and making a will. You don’t need to do any of those things today. You’ll do them soon enough.

You just had a baby.

I know you’re trying to balance your dream job (which pays nothing, yet), and your regular job (which pays a little), and trying to figure out how to pay for daycare and how to find a daycare and how to not feel guilty about using a daycare. I know more than anything right now, you want help with your super active toddler who needs to run, run, run while you need to sit, sit, sit and breastfeed, again. It’s okay.

You just had a baby.

I know you’re trying to figure out how to cook meals that are not scrambled eggs and how to stop running out of milk at the end of the week and how to get your toddler to poop in the potty. I know you secretly just want 100 hours of babysitting so you can make a baby book and create a meal plan and go to Costco and organize your closet and shave your legs and write overdue thank you cards and clean off your desktop and cut your fingernails and vacuum every room and maybe, just maybe, watch a movie? With popcorn? And milk duds? It’s okay to wish for those things.

You just had a baby.

I know everyone is starting Whole30 and making 25 resolutions and setting goals and choosing One Word for the year. I know you’re eating peanut butter cups in the bathroom and making resolutions you don’t even think you’ll keep and trying to think of One Word that isn’t SURVIVE but it’s the One Word you keep coming back to because damn, this two-kid thing is hard.

I know you’re exhausted. And frustrated. And overwhelmed. And sleep deprived. And thankful. And grateful. And happy. And tired.

You just had a baby.

I know everything feels undone. I know being a grown-up sucks. I know your house is a mess. I know you have writer’s block. I know you feel behind. I know you wish you were superwoman. I know. I know.

But.

You just had a baby.

So, let’s stop pretending like that didn’t just happen.
And let’s give you some grace and permission.

You don’t have to answer every e-mail, every text, or every invitation that comes your way. You don’t have to keep your house clean or make fancy dinners this week or plan your family vacation for the year. You don’t have to take your toddler to the dentist or figure out how to save for college right now.

Let it be.

Eat a bagel. Heck, eat two bagels. Let your baby nap on your chest. Pretend to be a dinosaur with your toddler. Go to Target by yourself and look at all the things. Watch Parenthood and cry a little. Go to brunch with your friends. Rest.

You’re fine.

And when you go to bed tonight thinking of the 63 items left on your to-do list, feeling unaccomplished and disappointed in yourself, I want you to repeat after me.

I. Just. Had. A. Baby.

A baby!

Relax. You’re doing great.

Love,
Me.

☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀

If you just had a baby, please visit Ashlee’s blog and let her know that this blog post helped you make it through your day! And, blessings, congratulations and happiness to you and that sweet bumpkin of yours! — Memee

Tweet: #Blogger Ashlee Gadd lovingly supports new mom's in today's calling card.