So we are now four days away from Christmas and it’s happened, I’m no longer a Grinch! I am feelin’ enthused, excited, and exhilarated about the future. Thank you, Lord, for guiding me through all of the struggles of the past 4 months and the entire year:
- Jan. 2014: Excited for the new year. The number 14, being my lucky number, I just knew this would be my year!
- Feb. 2014: My friend, Gina murdered by her 16-year-old son.
- Mar. 2014: Uneventful. Nothing good, but nothing really bad either… regular ups-and-downs of being me.
- Apr. & May 2014: Mid-life Crisis: I’M GETTING OLD! My life is at least half over… IF I’m Lucky (and I’ve never been lucky*).
- June 2014: I turned 45 years old… GROWN & GROAN! Dream vacation with my Honey; sucked. I felt lonely and abandoned — obviously I chose to ignore these big RED FLAGS waving in my face.
- July 2014: Beginning to recuperate from mid-life crisis. Things are finally starting to turn around, thank goodness!
- August 12, 2014: “You” send me a Dear Joan text instead of showing up for an important date. I lash out on facebook, tagging all your family members, co-workers, and our mutual friends. (I take it off an hour later but continue to purge you with my sword-pen… even though I do not send you the finalized copy of the letter Entitled: Scorned Woman Lashes Out on Facebook.)
- Sept 25, 2014: My daddy dies unexpectedly.
- Oct. 25, 2014: “You” marry someone else.
- Oct.31, 2014: Halloween, our 13-year anniversary as a couple.
- Nov. 2014: There’s little to feel grateful for.
- Dec. 25, 2014: Three month anniversary of my daddy’s death.
It has been a hard, hard year, Lord, but you’re helping me through it one moment at a time. I am so grateful for your love, guidance, security and stability.
And yesterday, Saturday, Dec. 20, 2014, my Christmas Miracle began. I hadn’t seen it coming. I had only known that I didn’t want it to be Christmastime; I didn’t want to celebrate the end of a year of personal tragedies. And I most certainly didn’t feel ready for my life to move on or think about a life without those loved ones I have lost.
Memee, what? What was your Miracle?
Well, yesterday, I worked from 5:30 a.m. until 3:00 in the afternoon. I went home thinking I’d take a relaxing bath only to be called by my son on a Christmas hunt for his lady-love’s gift. I dropped what I was planning and headed in for the assist. Then I got a text message from a friend she had something waiting for me at her house. As it turns out she was my Christmas Angel, delivering me with a Christmas tree and a gift card from her and her angel league to help deliver presents to my family this year!
Faith in mankind, renewed! Life feeling lighter and the world friendlier.
And although my Christmas Angel could not join me for the search, Santa sent his elf Holly to join me in finding the perfect gifts, finding the most special of all trees. The boy at the tree lot gave me a discount on the most beautiful tree he had and as he made the fresh cuts on the tree I sang my own version of Oh, Christmas Tree! a version about how although we are hurting it with the cuts it is only so that it may receive sustenance and love over the holiday. Presents? Check! Tree? Check!
Elf Holly and I lugged all of the Christmas treasures back to my home. Where I discovered that I had purged my Christmas tree stand. Out I went again and 15 minutes later Holly and I are listening to Christmas Carols and hanging ornaments on the tree. Elf Holly gave me a new tradition: Equal parts egg nog and 7up… I’ve dubbed it ‘Holly Nog’. We wrapped half the presents and got everything cleaned up and/or hidden by the stroke of 1:00 a.m. Elf Holly was back with her Elvenkind and I had been moved by the Christmas spirit of Charity, Love, Sharing, Peace and Goodwill.
This morning I woke up and went to work at 6:30 a.m. and found myself humming to all of the Carols coming across the airwaves at work. And I realized that the “harmless flirting” I’d been doing with an acquaintance for the past year is a real, bona fide attraction. He knows who he is. And I’ve been wondering all day about whether he’s a good kisser!
And so here I sit typing this up, feeling restored and reinvigorated for the future…. what possibilities might come in 2015? I don’t know but I’m eager to baby step my way into the future. Today, Sunday Dec. 21st 2014, I know I have a future, again.
*January bullet point… looks like my luck has changed!
Memee's Musings 