#WCW on Opportunity

When things happen in our lives, bringing disappointment into our hearts we lean on our friends for support and compassion. And more likely than not we have heard or even offered this adage (or a bastardized version thereof) with the desire it will help the person find hope. I know I say it to myself to kickstart my brain into positive thinking: “When one door closes, another door opens.”

But did you know that is not the entire quote? In fact, the point, nay, the meaning of the quote as originally stated has been dropped. I discovered this while working on the post about this month’s poetry party and wanted to get the wording correct as I’ve heard many bastardized versions and wanted to get it right. I was surprised first by who said it. And then, of course, that there was more to it. And I like the entire quote. I like it a lot because it is powerful and true.

I am a person who rarely lives in the present. I spend a lot of time thinking about the past and a lot of time pondering about the future… which is actually quite ridiculous because we can never imagine what the future truly holds. I like the quote because it reminds me that we must remember where to focus our lives and spend our time.

#WCW on opportunity | Memee's Musings

I hope you enjoyed the relevant quote for this week’s Words Crush Wednesday. If you’d like to play along with me here are the details:

Cut/paste and follow these simple rules:

(1) Always pingback to the site you discovered #wcw on with every Words Crush Wednesday post. In this case, that’s me: memeesmusings.com!

(2) In your post, use the badge they’ve created just for you – In this case, you’d use the Panda badge (size doesn’t matter), just grab it below.

(3) Tag your post #wcw so the Words Crush Wednesday community players can find you.

(4) Optional: When you are ready, create your own badge for those you inspire to play Words Crush Wednesday. If you do not create your own badge then your inspirees MUST use the badge from the blogger who inspired you — it’s on your post — so be sure to make it easy for them to find.

 

If you wanna play #wcw with me, here's your badge!
If you wanna play #wcw with me, grab that panda badge!

* To see the badge I earned, visit my very first #WCW post. And, here’s my pingback: Rebirth of Lisa

Placed in the Middle

Placed in the Middle | Memee's Musings

So it is 2:00 a.m. and finally I am compelled to write something. This is not a post about me and the struggles I’ve been going through for the past month. This is about someone else’s struggles, two people’s actually. My oldest, dearest friend and his wife.

Around eleven a.m. I got on Facebook and found that she had made a post which was very out of character for her. It wasn’t up for long so I cannot quote it, however it said something like, I am totally heartbroken. Sometimes there’s just nothing more you can do.

The women who responded all interpreted it the same way as I did, uh-oh big time marital problems. I didn’t know what to say and I certainly didn’t want to be having a discussion on Facebook. So I said nothing in the hopes that I could get away with “not having seen it.” The fact that she later removed the post certainly helps me with that little pretend.

Tonight however she private messaged me. We don’t text or call each other so this was unusual as well. When we get together we eat, drink wine, and share like sisters… though honestly, I am much more upfront and revealing about my world than she is with hers. We click. We click like we’ve known each other our entire lives although we’ve only known each other in person for just under a year. Her husband on the other hand I’ve been friends with for 32 years. We click too. And in the same way, like we’ve known each other our entire lives. No, actually, that’s not true. it’s like we’ve known each other for a millennium of lifetimes. It’s always been that way. Even when we were fifteen.

We would come together and click. And then, as life does, we’d turn and go our separate ways, but life would inevitable put us back in each other’s paths unexpectedly and without intention on our parts. It has happened four times so far. Needless to say I love them both and want them to be happy.

And so I found myself having this online chat about the marriage problems of two very close friends who I love. I don’t want to be involved or put in the middle of it. And I was confused about her deciding I was the person she wanted to make her confidante, after all I have much lengthier history with her husband. I listened. I’m good at it. People open up to me. Even strangers will tell me their woes, especially on days when I really don’t want to talk to anyone (lol,it’s something I’m trying to learn to accept and embrace as the gift God meant for it to be.) I listened because I didn’t want to turn a friend in crisis away when a friend was needed more than ever.

I listened. I encouraged her to continue trying, and to not beat herself up for the mistakes she has played in the collapse of her marriage, and I reminded her that no matter what happens she is a strong woman and will indeed survive. I believe I did right by her in the conversation as a friend and as a “sister.” When she seemed to begin wallowing in the “I can’t live without him. He’s my life. He’s my soulmate.” I put her in check with that. Meaning, I told her I felt she was throwing salt on her wounds (but I was much, much gentler than that).

And now we come to the reason for this post. I told her the truth as I see it: This is a learning lesson and an opportunity for growth for both of them. They will either come out the other side of it stronger individuals or stronger as a couple… whatever is God’s will. Here’s the thing though. I’ve been witness to the workings of the marriage during this past year, and privy to the problems for several years. She is mentally abusive to her husband and she does not recognize it or take responsibility for it. In my book that there tells me they are not soulmates. If someone is your soulmate hurting them would hurt you just as much, if not more. You just couldn’t be abusive to a soulmate, no matter who you are or how fucked up you are mentally. Of course that’s just my opinion. I’m wondering do you agree with that idea? But then on the other side of the coin perhaps the three of us are soulmates to each other, manifesting relationships with one another in different life bodies and roles.

I know it seems odd that I claim to be a Christian and then I talk about past lives. I just don’t think we living humans have it all figured out yet. I think we agree to a contract before we are born of the lessons we will endure because with each life manifestation we become closer and closer to our god-like selves we are meant to be. I don’t know. I also believe in Heaven. I also believe that when we die our souls sleep and sometimes our souls dream too.

Life is complicated and while living it we never truly figure it out. My views expressed in the preceding paragraph are very dialectical. But you know what, so is life. I both believe I am unworthy of friendships and loving relationships while at the same time believe in equal measure that I am a great catch and wonderful friend. And so I say if I can hold two equal beliefs at the same time in life so too can I for “religion or faith.” God knows me, loves me and accepts me even if I happen to be wrong and even if I am a sinner. And you know what, He loves and accepts you too!

Sorry, I got off track there. I am a stream-of-consciousness writer so it happens frequently. Anyway, I’d like to conclude by saying that I definitely do not want to be counselor to either of them. I tried to make it clear to her, but she kept on and I was patient and kind. Please pray for me that this does not become a pattern for her to come to me. It really puts me in an awkward place. Likewise, I don’t intend to counsel him. I doubt he’ll come to me anyway… this is so much more complicated than past conversations. However, if he does I will tell him what I told her… “Shouldn’t you be telling [her] these things?” Marriage is tough enough and when people begin to drown inside of it, adding an untrained person to the mix is the worst idea ever! Thankfully, at his request, she will begin counselling soon. I honestly hope she learns to see and accept some of her behavior for what it is. There are things he has done as well. No one is blameless and no one is perfect and if they both want to fix it, then I believe it can be fixed by taking one step at a time and having patience and not relying on a non-professional’s advice aka interference to dictate your behaviors.

I pray that the outcome, whatever it may be, is ultimately in the best interest of both of them.

p.s. It is interesting that my entire life seems to be coming full circle. This blog began with my own heartbreak and crisis. If I can survive, she can too (she’s actually much stronger than I.) I have another longtime friend who says his life is coming full circle. Is yours also? If so, let me know… I’m curious to see if this is a universal pattern.

This wonderful photograph was taken by Josh Pepper and acquired through Unsplash. It’s a great source for free photos under the Creative Commons Zero license, so check it out!

Battle Ground

via Tea With Ellie
Author:  
Eloise Shorneylove-is-a-battlefield

I love him

Like the sky loves a storm

 Cover my eyes

Ignore what he wreaks on my soul

I love him

Like the earth loves the sun

I bask in his glory

Splitting wide open

Becoming undone

I need this

I need it

I need to throw myself away

To a boy who won’t even catch me

Because that is what I make love to be

it is the destroying, the extreme.

It is not the sun, warming the leaves

It is not the storm releasing the heavens

It is the fire, the blackened tree tops,

It is the burning, cracking earth.

It is.

No more.

I will not be victim

I will not open

I will not cover my eyes

I will let this need go.

Let him go.

Because love should not be a battle ground

It should not split and bleed me out

It should

Fulfil me

Not be this aching gnawing need

I love him

Like no one should ever love anyone

Because love

Should not destroy you

But make you

But in all truth

All I’ve learnt of love

Didn’t come from him

But how I felt about my own skin.

So before I let another in

I need to learn to love myself

Before I fall in love with him.

Battle Ground is one of three winning poetry submissions from February’s poetry party: How Do I Love Thee? It was submitted by Eloise Shorney.  To read more of Ellie’s wonderful poems join her for Tea at Elliesian’s Visions.

Challenge yourself with the art of poetry, all writers, all ages welcome to join Memee’s Poetry Party… after you’ve submitted your original work, challenge your friends to join in the fun!

Battle Ground original poem © Eloise Shorney 2015-2017. All rights reserved.
Battle Ground post: © Memee’s Musings/B.L. Memee, 2015-2017. All rights reserved.

Sitting Alone

Sitting Alone

Sitting alone upon my bed
memories of times together we shared
these visions of you are clogging my head.
I eat. I drink. I sleep.

Sitting alone upon my bed
memories of times together we shared
these visions of you are clogging my head.
I cry. I weep. I steep.

Sitting alone upon my bed
memories of times together we shared
these visions of you are clogging my head.
I hunger; I thirst for your touch
I weep as I sleep dreaming of us.

I awaken and start my day anew.
In the morning I’ll begin the day
feeling happy just thinking of you
because for a brief moment of time
I am able to forget
that in a few short hours I’ll be all alone
in what once was our bed.

 I’ll wail.  I’ll wallow.  My heart filled with sorrow
I now remember what will inevitably follow:
Dreams of you that feel so real
that once again I will forget
that we’re not together
the past is dead.

Again I will waken and start a day fresh and new.
In the morning I’ll feel happiness
I’ll be thinking of you.
For a short time
dreams will make me forget
that once again I will find myself
sitting alone upon my bed
with visions of you clogging my head.

*Special shout out to Jasmine for the poem challenge. You keep inspiring me with your writing, your openness and desire to connect!
Beauty is Found Everywhere

Our Song: Then and Now

You hold my heart in your handsThis has been a very difficult week for me. There is no reason for it being more difficult than the week before, other than, I suppose, I am healing from the pain of my broken heart. I am learning acceptance despite my desire to rebuke the truth that we have no future. I am so broken and yet I continue breathing despite my strong desire to just close my eyes and sleep. Continue reading