#WCW on Change

On Change | Memee's Musings

I’ve been hosting a new mental illness friend that goes by the name Anxiety. He has been with me for about 2 and-a-half months now and I really wish he’d go away.  I don’t remember inviting him over, and I certainly didn’t intend for him to make himself at home.  Something’s got to change!

I have evaluated where I think this anxiety took root and it is in uncertainty of the future.  Whenever I think about the future my chest and arms tighten up and then I begin vibrating like a personal massager, fast, intense quivers that impact my breathing and my comfort.

It has been 8 months since I held my last job.  It was a job I found a lot of pleasure in despite the fact I would sleep whenever I wasn’t there (and I was only working part time).  It was exhausting but being with people was good for me, invigorating.  And I had a sense of purpose which, if you ask anyone who’s off work due to disability, is hard to hold onto.

Finally the anxiety was getting to be too much and I had to make a change.  I had started putting feelers out for under-the-table jobs and one of those feelers offered up a real job that seemed a perfect fit albeit fully legitimate.  The job was less than 3 miles from my home (which is ten minutes from the nearest store or gas station).  They needed someone only 2 days a week and were paying minimum wage (which is all I can afford to take without losing my disability).  Having my disability is important.  I have about $20,000 worth of medical appointments a year (that includes counselling of course) and my medication expenses are over $2000 a month if paid out of pocket.

I was excited about this job because it would give me some extra padding and release some of the anxiety I was feeling about money.  Most of my possessions are in storage right now ($200 a month) and I begin every month 400 dollars in the hole.  Disability pays next to nothing — all of those people that think we choose not to work and that we think disability is better is wrong.  Disability is barely survivable.  I am maintaining because I have no rental costs thanks to the generosity of a good friend, #I’mBlessed.

And disability does allow us to work, as I suggested, but we have to work beneath certain income limits 1170 per month currently.  One of the things I finally got around to doing, after about 8 years of attempting to do it, was send off my request to have my student loan debt forgiven.  That government program allows permanently disabled individuals to be released from their student loans (which otherwise is a lifelong, ever-growing debt).  My student loan began 20 years ago at a grand total of $12,000.  It has now amassed due to compound interest to be nearly $40,000.  It grows faster than I can keep up with and my disability ensures that I will never be able to pay it off.  So after years of asking for the application and one denial, I got around to sending in the forms again.

And then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I grew impatient.

In the meantime I learned about a court reporting school that is cash only and affordable to most at $350 per month and no contract.  What I needed was $350 and I’d be back in the sunshine of moving forward with overcoming my financial burdens.  My plan was that I would find a way to make that money and then have the student debt forgiven.  Then when I was well enough and retrained in my profession I could return to work without any debt and start life new and maybe eventually be able to afford to buy my own place and sail onward from there!  Aren’t dreams nice?

Come to find out the Department of Education’s plan for debt forgiveness does not allow you to work at all.  Not one day.  Sure you can volunteer for stuff but you cannot collect monies for it.  I didn’t learn that straight up either.  I learned it during the process of obtaining it.

Last week I started a new job.  Wednesday I worked five hours.  Thursday I worked five hours. And Friday I worked 2 hours.  DAMNIT!  Last night I learned my application for student debt forgiveness was approved.

Dilemma!  What to do?  Had I already fucked myself over?  I don’t know.  But today I quit that new job which allowed me to see a change in my daily behaviors and know that soon I’d be feeling a sense of purpose again.  Just goes to show you, sometimes a good change can throw a monkey wrench in your plans!

Now I’ve got to recontact social security and tell them that job I started last week didn’t work out so I can reapply for SSI and see that they pay me my full benefits as of course for once I was prompt at follow through and got those benefits hacked.

Now I’ve got to do as Socrates said and embrace this new change yet again.  Put my energy in the positive… I will be debt free in 3 years.  No more 40,000 pound monkey on my back.  Will I survive 3 years without purpose?  I don’t know.  I’ve got to learn to try and find purpose and things to keep my brain active without a job.

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If you’d like to play Words Crush Wednesday along with me here are the details:

Cut/paste and follow these 3 simple rules:

(1) Always pingback to the site you discovered #wcw on with every Words Crush Wednesday post. In this case, that’s me: memeesmusings.com!

(2) In your post, use the badge they’ve created just for you – In this case, you’d use the Panda badge (size doesn’t matter), just grab it below.

(3) Tag your post #wcw so the Words Crush Wednesday community players can find you.

(4) Optional: When you are ready, create your own badge for those you inspire to play Words Crush Wednesday. If you do not create your own badge then your inspirees MUST use the badge from the blogger who inspired you — it’s on your post — so be sure to make it easy for them to find. (P.S. I create all of my graphics on Canva.)

If you wanna play #wcw with me, grab that panda badge on the left!

* To see the badge I earned, visit my very first #WCW post.
And, here’s my pingback: Rebirth of Lisa

In Turbulent Times Turn To Peace

In Turbulent Times Turn To Peace | Memee's Musings

I don’t really have any more to say than what is conveyed by my title and chosen quote. Between the two, everything that needs to be said, is being said.

Peace out!

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If you’d like to play Words Crush Wednesday along with me here are the details:

Cut/paste and follow these 3 simple rules:

(1) Always pingback to the site you discovered #wcw on with every Words Crush Wednesday post. In this case, that’s me: memeesmusings.com!

(2) In your post, use the badge they’ve created just for you – In this case, you’d use the Panda badge (size doesn’t matter), just grab it below.

(3) Tag your post #wcw so the Words Crush Wednesday community players can find you.

(4) Optional: When you are ready, create your own badge for those you inspire to play Words Crush Wednesday. If you do not create your own badge then your inspirees MUST use the badge from the blogger who inspired you — it’s on your post — so be sure to make it easy for them to find. (P.S. I create all of my graphics on Canva.)

If you wanna play #wcw with me, here's your badge!
If you wanna play #wcw with me, grab that panda badge on the left!

* To see the badge I earned, visit my very first #WCW post.
And, here’s my pingback: Rebirth of Lisa

#wcw On Perseverance

I often blog about mental health issues because I have lived a life of great strife. Strife I self-inflict and strife cast against me.  It’s not just me that hurts me. I have been tremendously hurt and traumatized throughout my life by others.  My body hurts me: I suffer from chronic migraines, chronic pain, chronic fatigue and to top it off, I am bipolar.  I am an extrovert who often finds herself isolated and alone. Usually I am in self-imposed exile, but it’s not always physical exile.  Many times I feel socially exiled because my life looks and feels so different than those of my family and my friends or perhaps I am with them physically but doing my best to put on a brave face and appear “happy” or “normal.”

I have great friends.  True friends.  They love me and support me in spite of my mood swings, irritability, insecurities, and socio-economic status.  They are there for me if and when I am willing to reach out to them and let them help me.  I have great friends because I am a great friend whenever I am capable.  I am steadfast in my love and loyalty to them. They have earned it and so much more.

Today’s quote honors those friendships and the struggles that I know we all face, whether they are similar to mine or entirely different.  Everyone struggles. Everyone suffers. Everyone hurts sometimes.  And to get through the struggles we must endure it is essential that we never give up in our faith and trust in God — or the life process, karma, insert your belief system here — that things will get better.  Each struggle is independent of the rest. Some people do appear to live harder lives than others, but that is not because we are not all equally deserving. God offers blessings to us each day if we can crawl out of bed, put on our shoes, and live our life with our mind in the moment and our eyes on the lookout for blessings, which are there for us to find.

This quote is also chosen today because it is the holiday season which is commonly a very, very difficult time for people.  For some it is the additional costs associated with the holiday. For others it can be feelings of obligation to others we do not agree with. Even the fast pace of the clock ticking down to Christmas can add great stress to those who are otherwise happy.  The fact that it is Christmas (a typical family-oriented holiday) causes pain to those who are or think they are alone.  Social expectations that this is a happy, merry, time of cheer can cause additional pressure to those who struggle to maintain balance and stability with their moods (anxiety, depression, mania, etc.).

It is also an election year with a highly contentious and divided reflection on the outcome and future.  This is the third spire of why I have chosen wisdom from Winston Churchill.  I hope you will find it helpful in bringing to you strength and courage to persevere through your dark times, whatever the cause, even if only for a day or a moment.

#wcw On Perseverance | Memee's Musings

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If you’d like to play Words Crush Wednesday along with me here are the details:

Cut/paste and follow these 3 simple rules:

(1) Always pingback to the site you discovered #wcw on with every Words Crush Wednesday post. In this case, that’s me: memeesmusings.com!

(2) In your post, use the badge they’ve created just for you – In this case, you’d use the Panda badge (size doesn’t matter), just grab it below.

(3) Tag your post #wcw so the Words Crush Wednesday community players can find you.

(4) Optional: When you are ready, create your own badge for those you inspire to play Words Crush Wednesday. If you do not create your own badge then your inspirees MUST use the badge from the blogger who inspired you — it’s on your post — so be sure to make it easy for them to find. (P.S. I create all of my graphics on Canva.)

If you wanna play #wcw with me, here's your badge!
If you wanna play #wcw with me, grab that panda badge!

* To see the badge I earned, visit my very first #WCW post.
And, here’s my pingback: Rebirth of Lisa

Peaceful Postcard Protest #wcw

Peaceful Postcard Protest #wcw | Memee's Musings

Whether you voted for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton or Gary Johnson or Jill Stein, there is one thing that the majority of us can agree on: We do not want the neo-Nazis aka White Supremacists aka White Nationalists aka Alt-Right to take hold of our government.

There is a Peaceful Postcard Protest about to take place beginning this Saturday. Our postcards are addressed, stamped, and ready to go. Is yours?

Join me in sending a postcard directly to Trump!

** IMPORTANT – Don’t mail your postcard until SAT. NOV. 26th **
We are aiming to get these mailed between Saturday, Nov 26th and Monday, Nov. 28th to create a concentrated avalanche of postcards.

1. Get a postcard from your state – any picture that represents your state.

2. In the message section, write this simple 2-word message: NOT BANNON!

3. Sign your name if you wish to do so.

4. Address it as follows:
Donald Trump
c/o The Trump Organization
725 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10022

5. Affix a stamp – minimum postage is 35 cents (anything above will do).

6. Take a picture of your postcard that you can share on social media using the hashtag #stopbannon. PLEASE DO NOT WRITE ANYTHING ADDITIONAL ON THE POSTCARD!

7. Drop it in the mail! In the event that you cannot get your postcard mailed over the weekend, please, please send one anyway, ASAP.

8. Now invite, invite, invite! The more voices we can get in the mail, from the more states, the better. To make it go viral we will all need to share the details with our sphere of influence in whatever ways we feel comfortable. Feel free to copy and paste the details or even post your own event. The more individuals the better!

Peaceful  Postcard Protest #wcw | Memee's Musings

My original post about this peaceful postcard protest and my reasons for participating can be read on 1.7 Million and Counting!

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If you’d like to play Words Crush Wednesday along with me here are the details:

Cut/paste and follow these 3 simple rules:

(1) Always pingback to the site you discovered #wcw on with every Words Crush Wednesday post. In this case, that’s me: memeesmusings.com!

(2) In your post, use the badge they’ve created just for you – In this case, you’d use the Panda badge (size doesn’t matter), just grab it below.

(3) Tag your post #wcw so the Words Crush Wednesday community players can find you.

(4) Optional: When you are ready, create your own badge for those you inspire to play Words Crush Wednesday. If you do not create your own badge then your inspirees MUST use the badge from the blogger who inspired you — it’s on your post — so be sure to make it easy for them to find. (P.S. I create all of my graphics on Canva.)

If you wanna play #wcw with me, here's your badge!
If you wanna play #wcw with me, grab that panda badge!

* To see the badge I earned, visit my very first #WCW post. And, here’s my pingback: Rebirth of Lisa

#wcw From a Very Wise Woman

Wise Woman | Memee's Musings

Women have, for so long, used this quote  when facing the uncomfortable truth that they have ignored relationship red flags.  Women have used for so long this quote to support other women who are making a hard decision to leave an abusive partner.  As women we find strength, truth, and understanding in these wise words by the remarkably wise woman, the poet Maya Angelou.

It is not my intention to turn this blog into a platform for political debate or discussion.  It has always been a place where I place my thoughts.  Thoughts that need to be purged and thoughts that I want to remember. So, right now it is reflecting election stuff and I hope that you, my lovely minions, will continue to visit me and like me despite any varying viewpoints we may have.  #IStillLoveYou #IStillRespectYou

I have been very troubled by the outcome of this election.  I am a person who is filled with love and kindness, tenderness and compassion.  And, as many humans do, I tend to think most people are similar to me and therefore I believed it would be impossible for a man filled with so much hate and venom, a man who enjoyed stirring the pot and riling people up, enjoyed inciting and igniting their angers and fears to ever become our president.  He does not represent my values.  And every night as I sleep I am haunted by the outcome.  Last night was interesting.  Last night I dreamt that I was watching a breaking news story, that President-Elect Trump, having had no idea of the scope of the presidential job, announced that he would not be taking the job.  And now, as a result of our not having a president-elect, President Bill Clinton would be remaining in office for another 2 years as we go through a new presidential election.

Dreams are weird aren’t they?  Anyway, back to my quote.  I have heard and even continue to hear people say that Trump was putting on a show to gain supporters and that is not who he really is.  That now that he has won the election his true colors will shine through and we will discover that he is in fact none of what we saw reflected over the course of the 2 years, plus, that he has been in our eyes and ears spouting his viewpoints.  But I say look at his past, look at all of the history of behavior, all of it, decades and decades worth.  He is exactly who he was during the campaign and if that is not enough to persuade you, look at the people he is surrounding himself, look at his posse of friends who he is placing into key positions in our government.  Wake up, America!  We have some serious trouble in our future.  It’s time to start educating yourselves for survival because this America that we have known and loved and been blessed to grow up in, it’s going to be changing and it may never be the same again.

There, that’s the end of my rant.  Love thy neighbor as you would love yourself. Hate is a dangerous thing.  I do not hate this man.  But I am very, very weary of him and fear what we will suffer, each and every one of us.

☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀

If you’d like to play Words Crush Wednesday along with me here are the details:

Cut/paste and follow these 3 simple rules:

(1) Always pingback to the site you discovered #wcw on with every Words Crush Wednesday post. In this case, that’s me: memeesmusings.com!

(2) In your post, use the badge they’ve created just for you – In this case, you’d use the Panda badge (size doesn’t matter), just grab it below.

(3) Tag your post #wcw so the Words Crush Wednesday community players can find you.

(4) Optional: When you are ready, create your own badge for those you inspire to play Words Crush Wednesday. If you do not create your own badge then your inspirees MUST use the badge from the blogger who inspired you — it’s on your post — so be sure to make it easy for them to find. (P.S. I create all of my graphics on Canva.)

If you wanna play #wcw with me, here's your badge!
If you wanna play #wcw with me, grab that panda badge!

* To see the badge I earned, visit my very first #WCW post. And, here’s my pingback: Rebirth of Lisa

Life’s Tests #wcw

Life's Tests | Memee's Musings

So, I am back to blogging and that means returning to one of my favorite blogging days, Words Crush Wednesday!

As you know Words Crush Wednesday is a little link-up game featuring our favorite quotes (or on Memee’s Musings, my favorite quotes).  Now typically I prefer to choose quotes where I know who originated it.  For example, “When one door opens…” I am sure you know a version of that saying, but do you know who is credited with saying it?  I do.  If you’re curious, here’s the link.

Anyway, I stumbled across this one the other day on my friend’s Facebook timeline and instantly loved it.  As you can see it doesn’t say who said it so I did a little digging on Google.  (I am writing in past tense because when you read this it will have already happened.  The truth is I am writing this post and researching at the same time.)  I found a lot of different memes like the one I have here with the webname of who made the meme.  Not helpful.  But I kept looking.  I thought I found one, but then when I clicked the thumbnail to see who the quote was attributed to, I discovered it was attributed to “Aunt Judy.”  I do have an Aunt Judy, but she’s really not all that computer savvy.  You’re right, of course, she could have said it and someone else could have really liked it and so they made the meme and attributed it to her, but I highly doubt it.

So I kept looking.  I found another one that looked promising.  The picture was a little odd, it  invoked in me the idea that the man in the image was in prison.  Not sure at this moment if that was the case or not but that’s beside the point.  I opened the thumbnail to see who it was attributed to.  But this quote was a bit different.  Instead of God it referred to Allah. Now I know that Allah is the name used for the Islamic concept of god.  And so I thought to myself, “Hmm, is this a bastardized version of a quote?”  So I dug a little deeper into the man being cited, Nouman Ali Khan.  I put his name into Google and discovered that it is, in my opinion, entirely possible.

Who is Nouman Ali Khan?  Well, apparently he is a German-born Pakistani who works as a professional Muslim speaker who founded and instructs at The Institute for Arabic and Qur’anic Studies. So he is well educated — and as a side note, personally, in my opinion, anyone who is a professional public speaker knows how to talk and coin great sayings.  I mean, they get paid to talk and share their ideas after all.  I won’t deny I was surprised by this development.  The quote I read and love may come from a person of a religion that does not even recognize God.  I mean, wow, that’s a bit of a shocker!

I found only one other possibility for a cited originator to this quote and he had a long name.  I opened this one up and what I found was that again instead of “God” it read “Allah” and it was attributed to:  Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan.  I tried to find out more.  I didn’t really get anywhere in discovering whether this is the same man, or his father, or someone totally unrelated.  I learned other stuff about Nouman though. Apparently he went through a long period of atheism but ultimately returned to Islam.  No biggy, I am pretty sure many people raised in religion have had times when they questioned their faith or even denied it and then sometime later have returned, or converted to new religions while others remain atheists (Honestly, I think they’re just really angry at their god, believing he has abandoned them.)  Anyway, none of that matters though because this isn’t about a Muslim man, or religion, it’s about a quote that I understand and relate to.  A quote that I loved enough to post on my blog.

If this man were not Muslim.  If he did not practice Islam I bet that all of the quotes that credit it as “Unknown” or slap their own website name upon it would respect who said it. And that makes me sad.  It makes me sad that we live in a world with so much hate for people different than ourselves.  I know much of it is fear driven.  And I know that in America so many of us are angry because of 9/11 and that anger is due to fear. Life in America has never felt as safe as it did before those planes flew into the World Trade Center towers.

My first year blogging I wrote a post entitled, Relationship: What is it and why is it so damn confusing? where I propose how different the world would be if we were less emotionally driven.

Anyway, this post got super-duper long because as it turned out the quote I chose for this week belongs in the same family of quotes as the one I opened this post with about doors opening. Turns out this quote isn’t a quote at all. But still, I’ve come this far and regardless of its nature and where it came from, I am keeping it. I love God. I have been a student and taken many tests in my time. And there have times when I have felt so alone in my struggle (though I have never abandoned God). For these three reasons this non-quote meme speaks to me. I hope you love it for what it says regardless of your position on the Muslim peoples or the Islamic religion. It has wisdom that is meant to bring comfort, patience, and understanding during times of trial regardless of which god it cites.

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If you’d like to play Words Crush Wednesday along with me here are the details:

Cut/paste and follow these 3 simple rules:

(1) Always pingback to the site you discovered #wcw on with every Words Crush Wednesday post. In this case, that’s me: memeesmusings.com!

(2) In your post, use the badge they’ve created just for you – In this case, you’d use the Panda badge (size doesn’t matter), just grab it below.

(3) Tag your post #wcw so the Words Crush Wednesday community players can find you.

(4) Optional: When you are ready, create your own badge for those you inspire to play Words Crush Wednesday. If you do not create your own badge then your inspirees MUST use the badge from the blogger who inspired you — it’s on your post — so be sure to make it easy for them to find. (P.S. I create all of my graphics on Canva.)

If you wanna play #wcw with me, here's your badge!
If you wanna play #wcw with me, grab that panda badge!

* To see the badge I earned, visit my very first #WCW post. And, here’s my pingback: Rebirth of Lisa

#WCW on Opportunity

When things happen in our lives, bringing disappointment into our hearts we lean on our friends for support and compassion. And more likely than not we have heard or even offered this adage (or a bastardized version thereof) with the desire it will help the person find hope. I know I say it to myself to kickstart my brain into positive thinking: “When one door closes, another door opens.”

But did you know that is not the entire quote? In fact, the point, nay, the meaning of the quote as originally stated has been dropped. I discovered this while working on the post about this month’s poetry party and wanted to get the wording correct as I’ve heard many bastardized versions and wanted to get it right. I was surprised first by who said it. And then, of course, that there was more to it. And I like the entire quote. I like it a lot because it is powerful and true.

I am a person who rarely lives in the present. I spend a lot of time thinking about the past and a lot of time pondering about the future… which is actually quite ridiculous because we can never imagine what the future truly holds. I like the quote because it reminds me that we must remember where to focus our lives and spend our time.

#WCW on opportunity | Memee's Musings

I hope you enjoyed the relevant quote for this week’s Words Crush Wednesday. If you’d like to play along with me here are the details:

Cut/paste and follow these simple rules:

(1) Always pingback to the site you discovered #wcw on with every Words Crush Wednesday post. In this case, that’s me: memeesmusings.com!

(2) In your post, use the badge they’ve created just for you – In this case, you’d use the Panda badge (size doesn’t matter), just grab it below.

(3) Tag your post #wcw so the Words Crush Wednesday community players can find you.

(4) Optional: When you are ready, create your own badge for those you inspire to play Words Crush Wednesday. If you do not create your own badge then your inspirees MUST use the badge from the blogger who inspired you — it’s on your post — so be sure to make it easy for them to find.

 

If you wanna play #wcw with me, here's your badge!
If you wanna play #wcw with me, grab that panda badge!

* To see the badge I earned, visit my very first #WCW post. And, here’s my pingback: Rebirth of Lisa