This has been a very difficult week for me. There is no reason for it being more difficult than the week before, other than, I suppose, I am healing from the pain of my broken heart. I am learning acceptance despite my desire to rebuke the truth that we have no future. I am so broken and yet I continue breathing despite my strong desire to just close my eyes and sleep.
For twelve years, you held my heart in your hands. I was eager to follow you down any road and through every obstacle. I would have followed you anywhere — anywhere. I gave everything of myself: heart, mind, body, and soul… there was not a single secret I withheld from you. And yet here I am left weeping.
For twelve years, our song held strong and true. In fact, I still want you whisperin’ in my ear and you’re still the one (the only one!) that turns my head. And for all of the wonderful fun, laughter, passion, friendship, trust and love I still lost you. I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you, that my love couldn’t reach the pain in your soul. I gave all that I had of myself to give and it simply could not mend your wounds. And so now the song that sings about us is a requiem of my love… the saddest song I’ve ever heard, the saddest song I’ve ever known.
I spend my days and nights alone because there is no one who I want to talk to or laugh with, no one but you. And so, although you are still the one I want, I’m giving up on you. I have given my hand, my heart and my soul to God. I have asked Christ to be my better half. He will now be the one to make me strong. My love for you, our shared passions, triumphs, sorrows and the fun, they were all real and true. However, now, I have put my heart in the safekeeping of my Lord and Savior. He is holding my heart in his hands now that you will not, cannot and do not want it. And I know that I can trust in Him to never let me down. I am safe now and will never again feel the earthly pain that you bestowed upon me when you walked away. God never walks away from those He loves.
I see now that only He can save you. I hope you will eventually find your way back to Him and that your wounds may be healed.